Is there an official "F*ck cancer" day yet? Can there be?

RuperT · Post by **RuperT** » Tue Sep 05, 2017 12:31 am

I'm sorry for your loss, man. I lost my mother 9 years ago to pancreatic cancer, also diagnosed late stage at 72, so I knew you had a cruddy time ahead when you posted last month.
I'm glad you had good medical help (not to mention legal), the uncertainty at the end can be terrible. The kindest people do tend to work in that sector, I think.

Cortilian · Post by **Cortilian** » Tue Sep 05, 2017 5:53 am

So sorry for your loss man.

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Tue Sep 05, 2017 9:36 am

I'm sorry for your loss. Sounds like everything went as well as could be expected under the circumstances.

Eightball · Post by **Eightball** » Tue Sep 05, 2017 10:46 am

So sorry for your loss

Sectoid · Post by **Sectoid** » Tue Sep 05, 2017 12:14 pm

Skinypupy wrote:About 2:45 yesterday, his two sisters arrived and said goodbye...and he passed at 3:25 with me holding one hand, and my brother holding his other.

So sorry for your loss, but at least you got to say goodbye and have all the arrangements made before hand.
I had a similar experience with my father. I went to see him in the hospice during the day and sat with him for a while until I couldn't be there any longer. He passed that night. I was so glad that I got to say my goodbyes before he passed.
Try to remember the good times you had together and he'll be remembered always in your heart.

MHS · Post by **MHS** » Tue Sep 05, 2017 12:18 pm

There really aren't words. Know that we're hurting for you, alongside you. You'll never get over the loss, but it will get easier to bear.

Deepest sympathies.

Lassr · Post by **Lassr** » Tue Sep 05, 2017 12:46 pm

I'm so sorry.

Skinypupy · Post by **Skinypupy** » Tue Oct 11, 2022 9:42 pm

I didn't think I'd have to necro this thread, but here goes.

Mom went in to her doctor this week because she was having uncontrollable itching. They did an MRI and found a mass on her gall bladder and lower liver. We're still waiting for her oncology appointment, but my brother (a doctor) sent her MRI results to some of the specialists he knows. All of them said all indications are that this is a Klatskin Tumor (and expressed their condolences). From the prognosis page:

As Klatskin tumors are often only discovered at an advanced stage, the prognosis is quite poor with five year survival rates after surgery ranging from 25-30% and 0% in unresectable tumors.

Chemo's not an option because of where it's located, and neither is surgery. Typical survival is 5-8 months.

I honestly thought mom would live forever. All her siblings lived well into their 90's and now she could be gone by Valentine's Day. I suppose there's still a chance that by some miracle all the people he sent it to all wrong, but he said he'd be absolutely shocked if they were.

Fuck...I don't even know what to do.

Holman · Post by **Holman** » Tue Oct 11, 2022 10:11 pm

I'm so sorry to hear this.

Fuck Cancer, and may its prognoses always be wrong.

Dramatist · Post by **Dramatist** » Tue Oct 11, 2022 10:11 pm

I’m absolutely gutted for you. I lost my dad to cancer. I wouldn’t want to go though that again wilts my mom.

Hang in there and talk here. It’s good to vent.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

gbasden · Post by **gbasden** » Tue Oct 11, 2022 10:58 pm

I'm so sorry! I lost by dad to cancer and I know how it feels. Hugs, sir!

McNutt · Post by **McNutt** » Tue Oct 11, 2022 11:12 pm

So sorry to hear this. Stay strong, Skinypupy.

Tony

Sudy · Post by **Sudy** » Tue Oct 11, 2022 11:19 pm

I'm so sorry man. Hoping for the best for you and your mom.

Kraken · Post by **Kraken** » Tue Oct 11, 2022 11:51 pm

Very sorry for you, Skiny. Today would've been my sister's 62nd birthday. She died of ovarian cancer last April, and I'm still gobsmacked that she's gone.

All you can do is make the best of the time that's left. If you have any issues or regrets or resentments that you've never talked about, do it now. The conversation is hard to have, but you'll both feel better for having had it.

The Meal · Post by **The Meal** » Wed Oct 12, 2022 6:56 am

LordMortis · Post by **LordMortis** » Wed Oct 12, 2022 7:04 am

Unagi · Post by **Unagi** » Wed Oct 12, 2022 7:43 am

Really sorry to read this.
Ugh is right.
Damn

Skinypupy · Post by **Skinypupy** » Wed Oct 12, 2022 8:49 am

The hardest part right now is that while Brother MD and I now know this, mom probably won't know until her oncology appointment in two more weeks. We talked last night and Brother MD said he doesn't feel like he can give this info to mom, it needs to come from her doctors. I agreed. So we have to just pretend that it'll all be fine until she gets the bad news from her doctor. He's calling her doctor this morning to see if - knowing what he thinks we now know- that appointment can be moved up.

I'll use some of the time to prepare, I guess. Was up at 2:00 this morning making a checklist of all the stuff that I know we'll need to take care of very quickly. I have no idea if mom has a will, we'll need to get power of attorney and end of life directives in place, designate beneficiaries, password lists, figure out what to do with her house, her car, her cats...the list already feels endless and impossible and I have no idea how to even begin. Shame on us, we should have done all of this after dad passed, but we never thought mom would need it so damn soon.

This is going to destroy my kids, I have no idea how or what to tell them. Both the twins have expressed multiple times to their counselor that they're still struggling with dad's death 5 years ago. Taking mom from them right now is going to be a crushing blow.

I just couldn't stop thinking last night about the awfulness she's going to go through. It's one thing to get a death sentence, it's another to know that you're likely doing to die in misery within months and there's not going to be a damn thing anyone can do to stop it. Mom deserves so much better than this.

Fuck.

El Guapo · Post by **El Guapo** » Wed Oct 12, 2022 9:01 am

That's awful - sorry to hear that.

Post by **ImLawBoy** » Wed Oct 12, 2022 10:26 am

Sorry everyone is going through this. It feels hollow, but best wishes that everything goes as smoothly as possible for all involved.

Smoove_B · Post by **Smoove_B** » Wed Oct 12, 2022 11:47 am

Ugh, I don't even have the words. So sorry to hear it for you and your family.

Hyena · Post by **Hyena** » Wed Oct 12, 2022 3:08 pm

Skiny I am gutted reading this. When I saw it pop up again after a few years I opened it not wanting to see who it had hit this time, and imagine my dismay when I saw it was you AGAIN. I'll be praying for your family for strength in this time of struggle and understanding and peace of mind in this time of confusion and uncertainty. I'm so sorry this is happening all over again.

AWS260 · Post by **AWS260** » Wed Oct 12, 2022 6:32 pm

I'm so sorry, Skiny. It sounds like she has a great support system between you and your brother. Sending you all my most positive thoughts.

Daehawk · Post by **Daehawk** » Wed Oct 12, 2022 6:53 pm

Very sorry. Thoughts and prayers.

Zarathud · Post by **Zarathud** » Wed Oct 12, 2022 7:57 pm

I’m very sorry for you and your family. My hope is that your knowing will give everyone the opportunity to enjoy the time that’s left and remember how important you’ve been to each other.

Carpet_pissr · Post by **Carpet_pissr** » Wed Oct 12, 2022 8:54 pm

So sorry to read this.

Skinypupy · Post by **Skinypupy** » Fri Oct 21, 2022 9:13 pm

Spent 13 hours (so far) at the hospital today getting a pet scan and a scope procedure to see if they could put a stent in her bile duct to relieve the itching and jaundice. Got bad news on both fronts. Tumor is large enough that it has shifted her biliary system and they can’t get to the duct. So she’ll have to come back in early next week and have an external drain put in, kinda like a colostomy bag for bile.

Pet scan also found a tumor in her lung. Oncologist will have to look at that and decide what options there are. GI doc told me and Brother MD that surgery is definitely out of the question, but chemo might be possible. That’ll be up to the oncologist, and we’ll get more info early next week.

We were hoping she’d go home tonight with a stent to get relief and and a contained tumor, and we got basically the opposite.

As Brother MD put it, “this is all bad news”.

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Fri Oct 21, 2022 9:49 pm

I’m so sorry your family is going through this.

Lassr · Post by **Lassr** » Sat Oct 22, 2022 11:52 am

I'm so sorry you and your family are having to go through this.

Fuck Cancer.

MHS · Post by **MHS** » Sat Oct 22, 2022 8:07 pm

I am so, so sorry to hear this, SP. Was really hoping that somehow it wouldn't be confirmed to be this bad.

Skinypupy · Post by **Skinypupy** » Fri Oct 28, 2022 2:02 am

For the procedures on Friday, there was about a 3-5% chance that it could cause pancreatitis and renal failure. Mom had shit luck and rolled a natural 1 apparently, as she was back in the ICU on Sunday morning with both. She spent Sunday-Tuesday in the ICU but wasn’t showing any improvement. She made the decision yesterday to transfer to home hospice. She didn’t want to try and fight all of this bullshit in the hospital only to then come home and spend her limited remaining time fighting the cancer bullshit. She preferred to die on her own terms, at home.

Even though she was mostly unresponsive, she had a ton of visitors today. All her family and friends had a chance to come say goodbye.

Mom passed away around 8:00 tonight, a mere 16 days after getting her initial diagnosis. It’s about midnight here, and the mortuary just came and took her body. Her house is weirdly quiet. I don’t really know what to think or feel, there’s just a giant empty spot where mom was. How the hell did this happen so fast? A month ago we were planning for Christmas and now she’s gone. Jesus. And now I have to plan a funeral? A cremation? Buy a burial plot? Figure out what to do with this house? Her car? Her cats? All her stuff? Where the fuck do I even start?

I guess we’ll try to figure it out in the morning. Fuck cancer.

Hrothgar · Post by **Hrothgar** » Fri Oct 28, 2022 2:09 am

I'm sorry for your loss. Your family will be in our prayers. I don't have any answers for you. I'd suggest just gathering with your family and remember all the joy she brought into your life.

Kraken · Post by **Kraken** » Fri Oct 28, 2022 2:18 am

So very sorry, Skiny. Trying to come up with some consolation...at least she/you avoided the drawn-out medical torture that's so often the default.

Sudy · Post by **Sudy** » Fri Oct 28, 2022 3:15 am

I'm so sorry Sp.

gbasden · Post by **gbasden** » Fri Oct 28, 2022 5:54 am

I'm so sorry. My father fought with his cancer for a year and a half. I honestly don't know whether going quickly or slowly is more of a blessing. I know how much of a shock this must be. Cancer is such a bastard.

LordMortis · Post by **LordMortis** » Fri Oct 28, 2022 6:00 am

No words.

Unagi · Post by **Unagi** » Fri Oct 28, 2022 7:38 am

Oh I’m so sorry man.

Lassr · Post by **Lassr** » Fri Oct 28, 2022 8:59 am

I'm so sorry for your loss.

telcta · Post by **telcta** » Fri Oct 28, 2022 9:17 am

I’m sorry Skiny

… there are many people here thinking of you.

The Meal · Post by **The Meal** » Fri Oct 28, 2022 9:40 am