2004: The Year I Made Contact

Tareeq · Post by **Tareeq** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 11:07 am

For I have sued a Klingon.

This Klingon drove without auto insurance and got into a wreck. My client (an auto insurer for the innocent party) has hired me to get their money back. The Klingon is acting as his own attorney. I have changed his name (somewhat) to avoid legal liability for publicizing a debt.

In today's mail I received his response to the lawsuit:

To: Tareeq, the live human d.b.a. Tareeq, ESQ.
[address]

Greetings Tareeq:

Ronaldus, of the House of La'Quer, the live Klingon male and Attorney-in-Fact for the fiction of law: RONALD LACKEY (and all commercial variations thereof) "residing" at [address], in all of its COMMERCIAL AFFAIRS, is in receipt of the attached COMPLAINT regarding the above-captioned matter, MOTION FOR SUMMARY JUDGMENT without prejudice, does for honor of the House of La'Quer, hereby NOTICE YOU:

Mah ghaj R'akh Ij 'ej complaint. 'Oh 'Oh nobdagh j'ih waj'n kahless 'Iv 'oH ghobe'. So'h DichDaq takh.

We are hereby rejecting your offer and are returning, unsigned, the Same; in full accord with the Federal Truth In Lending Act (TILA). Any further correspondence from the "signer", Tareeq, or his agents, servants, or Assigns, must be done under the Penalty of Perjury, as stated herein.

If you are representing me, or assuming to represent me you are FIRED!

Ronaldus, of the House of La'Quer
Attorney-in-Fact
Dated October 17,2004

cc: [name], assistant clerk of the Court, special Civil part.

My career is complete.

Grievous Angel · Post by **Grievous Angel** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 11:10 am

So are you taking him to court, or are you just going to fight him to the death?

RunningMn9 · Post by **RunningMn9** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 11:12 am

I'm assuming that's going in a frame on your wall, right?

I burst out laughing at "kahless".

LawBeefaroni · Post by **LawBeefaroni** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 11:14 am

Awesome. Have you picked out a frame for that letter yet?

Edit: Simupost, I swear.

Freezer-TPF- · Post by **Freezer-TPF-** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 11:18 am

Tareeq, I'd offer to be your cha'Dlch, but I have this bad knee and my bat'leth skills are totally rusty (haven't dueled much since college).

However, I urge you to please, please begin your reply letter with "You have dishonored me."

Kadoth Nodens · Post by **Kadoth Nodens** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 11:18 am

Only one thing to do now.

Go ferengi on his ass.

http://www.dmwright.com/html/ferengi.htm

$iljanus · Post by **$iljanus** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 11:19 am

Die well Tareeq! Die well!

Discalced · Post by **Discalced** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 11:21 am

I don't know what to say. Wow.

Rubyeye · Post by **Rubyeye** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 11:21 am

Debris · Post by **Debris** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 11:22 am

I take it he's pleading insanity?

LawBeefaroni · Post by **LawBeefaroni** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 11:23 am

Oh, and the Klingon doesn't parse well at the Universal Translator Assistant Project.[/url]

Austin · Post by **Austin** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 11:24 am

Hmmmm... maybe I should have become a lawyer instead.

SuperHiro · Post by **SuperHiro** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 11:24 am

What a bizzare letter.

I really doubt a MSJ would really fix anything. Did he get referred to collections first?

Sunderer · Post by **Sunderer** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 11:40 am

Down here in God's country, we've got this group of folks that think Texas is still a Republic and was illegally "taken" by the US. I represented a spouse in a divorce, and you can't believe some of the mess the husband filed.

Spock's Brain · Post by **Spock's Brain** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 11:44 am

Today is a good day to sue!

ArmyOfOne · Post by **ArmyOfOne** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 12:30 pm

Who do I have to write to make sure that case gets air time on CourtTV?

$iljanus · Post by **$iljanus** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 12:31 pm

Being rather ignorant about this aspect of the law, US or Klingon, where do you go from here Tareeq?

The Meal · Post by **The Meal** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 12:35 pm

On some forums, this is known as cross-threading:

Tareeq, the man of phase d.b.a. Tareeq, ESQ. [ Address ]

Tareeq greets:

Ronaldus that, of the house of La' Quer, man of phase Klingon and made in lawyer for the invention of the law: RONALD LACKEY (and all commercial modifications davon)"being" above [ the address ], in all its COMMERCIAL ACTS, are after the reception of the convenient OBJECTION were concerning the business ueber-betitelte, a MOVEMENT CPour CSommaire PROCEDURE without prejudice, cornait for the honor of the house of La' Quer, TO CONSIDER YOU by this:

Mah ghaj R'akh Ij 'ej complaint. 'Oh 'Oh nobdagh j'ih waj'n kahless 'Iv 'oH ghobe'. So'h DichDaq takh.

We kids by this your offer and are not signed to turn over, the same thing; in the agreement full with the federal truth in an act with loan (TILA). Each other correspondence of the "signatory", by Tareeq or its representatives, civils servant or assigns, must be made under the punishment of Perjury, as indicated here.

If you represent me or accept me, to represent me, you become ABGEFEUERT!

Ronaldus, from the house of the fact in lawyer La' Quer dates October to the 17.2004

cm: [ Name ], useful secretary of the court, part of civil special.

~ABGEFEUERT!

Tareeq · Post by **Tareeq** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 12:42 pm

Siljanus we're dealing with North Carolina law, not Klingon or Federation, so I'll move for judgment on the pleadings.

Unrepresented civil defendants rarely bother to show up for motion hearings, but if this one does I'm bringing a phone that doubles as a camera.

Peacedog · Post by **Peacedog** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 12:52 pm

Tareeq, I heart you.

$iljanus · Post by **$iljanus** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 1:32 pm

Since this unrepresented defendant is a bit different from the others, he may just show up after all. You know, to look at the face of his enemy before engaging in mortal combat, etc.

Do you need a phone camera? I don't have one but I'm sure others will be more than happy to let you borrow one for this particular instance.

Enough · Post by **Enough** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 1:37 pm

joH'a' penaD Hoch pequvmoH ghotpu' 'u' numuSHa'qu'mo' 'ej vItDaj 'oH reH 'e'

joH'a' penaD !

Oh and thanks for making my Friday. I almost became a lawyer, this story makes me wish I had.

Crowley · Post by **Crowley** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 1:42 pm

I think those Klingons have a thing for ramming speed

Bob · Post by **Bob** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 1:52 pm

What the hell does auto-insurance have to do with the Truth in Lending act? What a nut-ball.

$iljanus · Post by **$iljanus** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 1:58 pm

Bob wrote:What the hell does auto-insurance have to do with the Truth in Lending act? What a nut-ball.

His universal translator was probably having some trouble. Cut the Klingon a break will ya?

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 3:18 pm

Tareeq · Post by **Tareeq** » Fri Dec 03, 2004 11:47 am

Update: I just got back from a hearing on my motion for judgment on the pleadings against this person. Surprisingly he showed up. Cosmetically he is not a Klingon. He is a youngish white man wearing his hair in a ponytail. He was dressed in a blazer, slacks, and an Underdog t-shirt.

He is outwardly sane. His defense was that he forgot to pay his auto insurance because he wasn't getting his mail forwarded from a previous address (untrue, I have every address he's used for the past three years). He explained that he filed his answer the way he did because he was trying to make a point about the injustice of the tort system in this country. Star Trek was not much discussed.

I got a judgment against the defendant almost immediately, but then had to listen as the judge harangued him about his incivility, poor dress, lack of seriousness, and stupidity in filing such a frivolous answer to a legal pleading. Then I got the hell out of there.

SuperHiro · Post by **SuperHiro** » Fri Dec 03, 2004 11:53 am

I'm giggling. Tehehehehehehehe.

Good stuff.

Although is a better picture.

Mr. Fed · Post by **Mr. Fed** » Fri Dec 03, 2004 12:27 pm

That is SO cool. I wish I WERE you.

Edit: By the way, does this remind anyone else of the Starfleet Whitewater Juror?

I've never gotten any really good trekkies. I had a guy suing as the Lord Emporer of the Universe once, and more than a few who thought that they were citizens of some sort of alternate universe where taxes were voluntary, though.

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Fri Dec 03, 2004 12:33 pm

Especially over the Xmas holidays.