[Gushing Parents] Tell me your cute kid stories

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Wed Apr 27, 2011 1:28 pm

Octavious wrote:My daughter walks into the living room with her play toaster. She turns the toaster on and bolts into her room diving for cover. Toaster goes off and she screams you're all dead the bomb went off.

So now it's a little game we play from time to time where we set the toaster and try to trap the other in the room.

So she's gone all Jam Bauer on you?

Spoiler:

El Guapo · Post by **El Guapo** » Wed Apr 27, 2011 1:41 pm

Octavious wrote:My daughter walks into the living room with her play toaster. She turns the toaster on and bolts into her room diving for cover. Toaster goes off and she screams you're all dead the bomb went off.

So now it's a little game we play from time to time where we set the toaster and try to trap the other in the room.

So this is where that whole "terror baby" thing came from.

stessier · Post by **stessier** » Wed Apr 27, 2011 3:45 pm

This isn't really a cute kid story - more of a "life of a parent story".

There was a time when one of my wildest dreams was to be in a room where 2 naked girls running around laughing and playing. Living the reality, I now realize I have to be much more specific in my dreams.

My 4 year old routinely takes over an hour to get dressed in the morning. During that time, she'll come walking into the living room buck naked and ask what is for lunch, or what she'll be doing in school that day. One time we went to check on her in her room and she was laying on her back on a pillow spread eagle reading a book. We live in WI and keep the house around 64F. I'm not sure what else we can do.

My 21 month old has loved zippers and snaps for a while, but couldn't really get them to work. That has changed within the last week and now we'll put her to bed and about 20 minutes later hear "Uh oh - zipper/snap" and go in the room to find her stripped. The first few times it was cute. Now we are considering duct tape.

Thus far, she's left on her diaper. She likes to hear the velcro sound, but hasn't pulled it off yet. Luckily, all bowl movements have thus far occurred during waking hours, so the worst case scenario is that I'll need to towel her off one morning.

But that does remind me of a bath 2 weeks ago. I was doing the dishes just out of eye shot and both girls were playing together in the tub when I suddenly heard the older one yell "DADDY DADDY COME QUICK! She pooped in the tub and it's coming near me!" Sure enough - floaters abounded. Luckily they were pretty solid, but as I puzzled the least disgusting way to get them out, the older one yelled "Get the strainer." Sounded like a good idea and worked great!

Vorret · Post by **Vorret** » Wed Apr 27, 2011 4:09 pm

LOL

oh my...

Boudreaux · Post by **Boudreaux** » Wed Apr 27, 2011 4:10 pm

My third-grader was talking to his little brother last night about the trout filets we were having for dinner. More specifically, relaying his distaste for said trout and all fish in general. Little brother is in kindergarten and a far less picky eater, he was loving the trout. "Just take a bite, it's really good! I really like it!" he says.

Third grader responds, "That's what is known as an opinion, and I do not have to have the same one as you."

stessier · Post by **stessier** » Wed Apr 27, 2011 4:33 pm

Boudreaux wrote:Third grader responds, "That's what is known as an opinion, and I do not have to have the same one as you."

That's fantastic!

YellowKing · Post by **YellowKing** » Wed Apr 27, 2011 4:49 pm

My all time "best" parenting moment was the following sequence of events:

- Daughter throws up at Taco Bell...in my lap
- Wife throws her in the car, where daughter proceeds to throw up in the car
- Get her inside, throw her in the bathtub where she proceeds to poop in the tub
- While my wife is screaming for help, I come running up the stairs just in time to see the cat vomiting all over the carpet.

It was one of those instances where things had gotten so bad all I could do was laugh.

Crabbs · Post by **Crabbs** » Wed Apr 27, 2011 8:38 pm

YellowKing wrote:My all time "best" parenting moment was the following sequence of events:

- Daughter throws up at Taco Bell...in my lap
- Wife throws her in the car, where daughter proceeds to throw up in the car
- Get her inside, throw her in the bathtub where she proceeds to poop in the tub
- While my wife is screaming for help, I come running up the stairs just in time to see the cat vomiting all over the carpet.

It was one of those instances where things had gotten so bad all I could do was laugh.

Didn't you have your own Taco Bell incident a while ago? .... must run in the family.

El Guapo · Post by **El Guapo** » Thu Apr 28, 2011 9:59 am

Here's what's puzzling me now. A couple months ago I was bathing my daughter. My sister was over, and hanging out. My sister says to my daughter, "Mira, where is the bath water coming from?" My daughter looks puzzled, looks at the tub faucet, and says "Where water come from?" She asks this a couple other times during the bath - a curious puzzle that she hadn't thought about before, but not particularly troubling.

Since then, this has somehow become some type of existential question that hints at a terrifying answer. Sometimes I'll be bathing her and she'll suddenly say "where water come from?" Usually shortly thereafter she stands up and starts desperately scrambling to get out of the bath as fast as she possibly can, as if the water were boiling or something. Reassurances generally aren't helpful.

It's odd - when this first came up this wasn't scary or anything. But I guess she's concerned that the pipes in the wall lead to R'lyeh or something.

LawBeefaroni · Post by **LawBeefaroni** » Thu Apr 28, 2011 2:35 pm

Crabbs wrote:must run in the family.

*groan*

Octavious · Post by **Octavious** » Thu Apr 28, 2011 2:38 pm

Isgrimnur wrote:
Octavious wrote:My daughter walks into the living room with her play toaster. She turns the toaster on and bolts into her room diving for cover. Toaster goes off and she screams you're all dead the bomb went off.

So now it's a little game we play from time to time where we set the toaster and try to trap the other in the room.
So she's gone all Jam Bauer on you?

Spoiler:
Yes, I realize that's a terrible joke.

Wow that totally took me forever to figure out what you meant by that.

Bakhtosh · Post by **Bakhtosh** » Thu Apr 28, 2011 2:55 pm

My dad watches our 3 year old on Mondays, and since he lives close to my work, I'll go over there at lunch to visit with her and raid his fridge (dads, you'll never get rid of us). She wasn't very hungry and wandered off into the living room. I can see her lounged across the arms of the recliner in there. Soon, the sweetest little song wafts out of the living room from her mouth:

Who let the dogs out? Woof Woof Woof Woff
Who let the dogs out? Woof Woof Woof Woff
Who let the dogs out? Woof Woof Woof Woff
Who let the dogs out? Woof Woof Woof Woff

I blame my mom & Just Dance Wii

Jag · Post by **Jag** » Thu Apr 28, 2011 10:12 pm

From the 'older' kid side, I found this homework assignment on my PC when I got home from work. My 10 year old had to pick some poetry and analyze it, so he found a bunch of Walt Whitman poems and wrote the analysis for it by himself. I was pretty impressed by his understanding of this one:

A noiseless patient spider in a literal way, the poet is giving sympathy to the spider. The poet is telling how lonely this spider is and that all it is doing is unreeling and flinging filament. In a nonliteral way this poem might be aimed towards a person who is left out in everything. A person who has to keep making bridges for themselves until one holds and leads them to the best ending.

Zarathud · Post by **Zarathud** » Tue Aug 30, 2011 7:02 pm

At the suggestion of a 12 year old second cousin, I'm introducing the Star Wars characters to my 4 year old Fish using a LEGO Star Wars sticker book. She saw a little of the Clone Wars movie, but nothing else other than the toys in the store, a few YouTube clips and a few of the 501st at a toy convention.

I'm proud to report that she thinks Darth Vader is the most awesome but must be brothers with all the other Darths because they have the same name. She thinks Yoda is pretty awesome as the "kid" Jedi. She also likes the robots (R2 and C3PO).

Her reaction to Jar Jar was that he looked silly and stupid.

El Guapo · Post by **El Guapo** » Tue Aug 30, 2011 7:44 pm

Zarathud wrote:
Her reaction to Jar Jar was that he looked silly and stupid.

If only she'd been in the LucasFilm focus group.

Lassr · Post by **Lassr** » Wed Aug 31, 2011 3:19 pm

Zarathud wrote:I'm introducing the Star Wars characters to my 4 year old Fish

Was this it's reaction after seeing Jar Jar?

coopasonic · Post by **coopasonic** » Wed Aug 31, 2011 3:27 pm

5 year old mini-coop to mom: Mom, you are sweet as a... lemon!

He thought he was being soooo nice.

El Guapo · Post by **El Guapo** » Wed Aug 31, 2011 3:31 pm

coopasonic wrote:5 year old mini-coop to mom: Mom, you are sweet as a... lemon!

He thought he was being soooo nice.

Just FYI, due to your avatar I picture your family as being a family of cars.

Paingod · Post by **Paingod** » Wed Aug 31, 2011 3:34 pm

I've got a 3-year old who is obsessed with Fans. Every single time he sees one he needs to point it out.

Through the store, there's a ceiling fan over an isle ... Fan! Fan! Look at the fan!
Down the road, he sees a wind turbine ... Fan! Fan! Look at the fan!
At daycare, she has them in the window ... Fan! Fan! Look at the fan!
At Home Depot, we turn down the Lights & Fans isle ... Fan! Fan! Fan! Fan! Fan! Fan! Fan! Fan! Fan! Fan! Fan! Fan!

He's even got a song. Hmmmhmmhmmmhhhm fan. hmhmhm fan. Hmhmhmhmmmhhhmm fan. Fan. hmmhmmhmhhmmm fan.

He's also loves to tell us that he wants to go potty - immediately after dumping in his diaper.

Arcanis · Post by **Arcanis** » Wed Aug 31, 2011 3:44 pm

My child is devious and evil. This morning she walked up to her mother with her arms out like she wanted a hug, not terribly uncommon. As her mother leaned down to hug her she slapped her mother in the face. Normally this would just be rude, but her mom also had 3 wisdom teeth pulled Friday and is still in some pain from that. The worst part is she celebrated like Ochocinco at how clever she was, so it isn't like she didn't know. All of that from a 15 month old.

to be fair she does have her moments, like trying to ship herself in the USPS flat rate box, emptying a drawer in the kitchen so she can sit in it, jumping on me while I'm doing crunches (thus adding an extra 16 lbs to the crunch), playing with lightsabers (yes I have a picture of her with a 2nd one this time it is red and far more fitting of Darth Babious), or her general antics of doing the last thing we expect.

LawBeefaroni · Post by **LawBeefaroni** » Wed Aug 31, 2011 4:25 pm

The wife has lots of former theater school students and some of them babysit for us. Sometimes they send a photo from the day's activities. This one came with the caption/title, "The Great Escape!"

YellowKing · Post by **YellowKing** » Thu Sep 01, 2011 8:41 am

I had a great father/daughter moment a few weeks ago. YP got a play tent for her birthday, so we set it up downstairs and pretended we were camping. We got all of her "babies" in a wagon, took them out to the campground, got them settled in the tent, then pretended it started raining so we had to rush inside the tent.

Our cat is fascinated by this tent, so I look out the window and I see her prowling around. So I say, "Oh no! There's a mountain lion outside!"

YP looks out, sees the cat, then shrieks with delight and runs into my arms. Right on cue, our cat starts pawing, trying to get in. My daughter and I are both screaming and trying to shoo the "mountain lion" away, and the more we do the more my cat is loving it and trying to get in all the more.

Then our cat takes it to the next level - she reaches in and grabs one of YP's babies and drags it out of the tent. "OH NO! I cry. The mountain lion has kidnapped one of the babies!" YP looks at me with this expression of, "What are we going to do?"

"We must confront the mountain lion. Who's going to go get the baby back?" YP boldly crawls out of the tent, walks over to our cat, and says, "NO NO NO! NO LION! NO LION!" Grabs her baby and walks back, then gives me a high five.

This has now become one of her favorite games, and our cat is always happy to play the role of the vicious mountain lion.

KKBlue · Post by **KKBlue** » Thu Sep 01, 2011 9:21 am

YK, thanks for making my morning!

We don't have kids but we borrow my cousin's and brother's often. Took my brother's oldest hiking last week then to the park, it was an all day affair. Next morning I was surprised at how sore my leg muscles were so I texted the nanny to let her know the 6yr old might feel the same cause he was climbing around at the park much, much more than me. The reply was, "He told me that his legs were still sleeping!" when they got up that morning. Such a perfect way to explain that over exerted feeling, kids are so smart!

El Guapo · Post by **El Guapo** » Thu Sep 01, 2011 9:35 am

YK, that's awesome. Though probably poor "mountain lion safety" training.

Reminds me of when I was at my nephew's 1 year birthday party - a bunch of the older kids in my brothers in laws family were playing in the pool. Somehow I was designated the "shark". The odd thing was that they kept coming to me and telling me to grab them. I was a little concerned about their shark safety training.

naednek · Post by **naednek** » Thu Sep 01, 2011 10:02 am

I have a cute kid who wants to read you a story...
http://youtu.be/9opBkI5DASE" target="_blank

naednek · Post by **naednek** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 11:45 pm

Wrong thread, sorry.

YellowKing · Post by **YellowKing** » Fri Feb 03, 2012 9:59 am

Arise thread!

We are planning a big Superbowl party this weekend, so I was trying to explain to my daughter (2) about the game, what we were doing, etc.

I was trying to explain football to her and I said, "So when the Giants score, we're going to shout TOUCHDOWN!" I put both hands in the air showing her the touchdown symbol.

She says, "NO Daddy! That not touchdown."

I said, "Umm...yes it is. That's the symbol for touchdown. TOUCHDOWN!" I again put both arms in the air.

She says, "NO Daddy! That not touchdown. This is touchdown." She then proceeds to place both hands on the floor.

So I raised both arms again and said, "Then what is this?"

She looks at me like I'm crazy and says, "That's a touchUP!"

El Guapo · Post by **El Guapo** » Fri Feb 03, 2012 11:36 am

She makes a good point!

My daughter's coming along on this, even if she did say "Go Red Sox!" during the last football game we watched. I guess the Boston sports rooting is the most important part anyhow.

Also, when we were watching the Patriots shortly after Halloween she looked at the screen and said, "I'm going to be a Patriot next Halloween. I'll wear a helmet. I'll be a girl Patriot."

LawBeefaroni · Post by **LawBeefaroni** » Fri Feb 03, 2012 11:55 am

Our attempts at sports loyalty have backfired.

We have a cat named Stevie Yzerman. This particular cat is a bit swatty and her and Little Beef are on defensive terms at best. We also have a Steve Yzerman bobblehead in the living room. For some reason she is terrified of this bobblehead, I think perhaps because it's right next to a satellite speaker so it seems like it's talking sometimes. Anytime we say the words "Stevie" or "Steve Yzerman" she says, "No no no!" and shakes her head and looks either at the bobblehead or around for the cat.

Fortunately she dosn't associate the name with the Red Wings yet so watching actual hockey isn't a problem. Except when mom jumps up and down screaming and swearing.

The Meal · Post by **The Meal** » Fri Feb 03, 2012 12:13 pm

LawBeefaroni wrote:Anytime we say the words "Stevie" or "Steve Yzerman" she says, "No no no!" and shakes her head

Blame Dwayne Roloson.

stessier · Post by **stessier** » Fri Mar 23, 2012 1:15 pm

Scene opens with me and mstessier going through the normal school morning routine. We are trying not to bump into each other while quickly assembling breakfast and making sure school bags are packed and lunches are made. kidtessier 5.7 and 2.7 sit at the breakfast table ostensibly eating.

kidtessier 2.7 at the top of her lungs: Woof! Woof! I am a doggy!
kidtessier 5.7 laughs
kidtessier 2.7: Ruff! Ruff! Ruffruffruffruffruff!!!

Me: Okay. Start eating. No dogs are allowed at the table.

kidtessier 2.7 at the top of her lungs: MEOW!

LawBeefaroni · Post by **LawBeefaroni** » Fri Mar 23, 2012 1:49 pm

The Meal wrote:
LawBeefaroni wrote:Anytime we say the words "Stevie" or "Steve Yzerman" she says, "No no no!" and shakes her head
Blame Dwayne Roloson.

Trying to get her back on track. The wife repurposed one of my old T-shirts. I never wear "championship" type shirts but I always get them from the in-laws. We've now found a new use for them. Sewing is so underrated.

That was an adult L!

Now if only I can convince them to get rid of the Jagr/Melrose haircut.

YellowKing · Post by **YellowKing** » Fri Mar 23, 2012 2:24 pm

My 2 year old consistently finds ways to make me look like an idiot. If she's this good at it now, I dread her teenage years.

We went to the aquarium the other day and were browsing around in the gift shop. She picked up a toy snake and was going "Sssssss! Sssssss!" and "biting" me with it. I exclaimed, "Oh no! A snake's biting me!" She looks at me and with a look of disgust says, "It's not a real snake, daddy." Then she ROLLED HER EYES and threw the snake back in the toy bin.

Bait and switched again!

Jag · Post by **Jag** » Fri Mar 23, 2012 2:26 pm

She just wanted confirmation that all men are idiots

El Guapo · Post by **El Guapo** » Fri Mar 23, 2012 2:33 pm

YellowKing wrote:My 2 year old consistently finds ways to make me look like an idiot. If she's this good at it now, I dread her teenage years.

We went to the aquarium the other day and were browsing around in the gift shop. She picked up a toy snake and was going "Sssssss! Sssssss!" and "biting" me with it. I exclaimed, "Oh no! A snake's biting me!" She looks at me and with a look of disgust says, "It's not a real snake, daddy." Then she ROLLED HER EYES and threw the snake back in the toy bin.

Bait and switched again!

Oh yeah, my daughter does that all the time. One time she was pointing out stickers to her grandmother - "this is a snake, this is a cow, this is a cart..." and the grandmother says, "Oh, can we get in the cart?" Mira pauses, looks at her, and says flatly, "No, it's too small!" Idiot.

Or similar to yours - my wife is holding her, and she starts making bear sounds, and my wife says "Oh no, there's a bear in my arms!" And Mira says, "No, Mommy, I'm just pretending! I'm always Mira."

Hiccup · Post by **Hiccup** » Fri Mar 23, 2012 2:43 pm

3 year old daughter now, here's a few recent highlights.

On the toilet:
Her: "I went poopie!"
Me: "Good job honey!"
H: "It looks like a snake."
M: "It does look like a snake."
**wipe and re-pant**
She closes the lid, flushes. Pats the lid softly and says, "Bye bye snake, good luck!"

Stubborness
She has learned the phrase, "I know!", and uses it when we ask her to do something she doesn't feel like doing at the time.
Wife: "It's time to get your shoes on to go to grammy's house."
Her: "I know.", then continues with coloring.
W: "Hallie, we need to get your shoes on now."
H: "I KNOW!", goes back to coloring.
W: "We can't go if you don't get your shoes on."
H:"I KNOOOOW!!!", sits and stares at us.
Me: "What do you know Hallie?", thinking she'd say something about shoes.
H: "NOTHING!!!"
Wife and I start laughing.
H: "Stop laughing at MEEE!!"

On her upcoming brother
Name: Pepperwrapper or Guierrmo.

El Guapo · Post by **El Guapo** » Fri Mar 23, 2012 2:47 pm

We asked Mira what we should name baby #2. After first suggesting "Clira", she eventually settled on "Janjuh". Not exactly sure where that came from, but I guess it's unique.

Bakhtosh · Post by **Bakhtosh** » Fri Mar 23, 2012 6:21 pm

A bug was found swimming the toilet recently. Aubrey 4.0 says she has to go pee, so she hops up there, starts peeing and, "Ha ha bug, I peed on your head."

DD* · Post by DD* » Fri Mar 23, 2012 8:13 pm

My daughter, now 10, was the most incredible "naming" munchkin I've ever seen. When she was much younger, say in the 2-3 year old range, she began the stuffed animal collection. Both Dad and Mom would buy any plush she liked...

Her favorite was a big stuffed cow. As one might expect, the cow was named "Big Moo Cow" (as opposed to "Little Moo Cow" who was, well, littler). She also had a small brown stuffed dog - his name was "Wags" (Wiggles fans will understand). Fast forward a month or three. We acquire another big cow. What's his name? "Jack." We have no "Jack" in the family or in any circle of acquaintances. We also acquire Wags' brother. His name? Johnny Michael.

Absolutely no idea where that came from.... and all of the animals have birthdays and family relationships (X is Y's cousin and their birthday is on the same day in different months.... multipled by about 400 stuffed animals). To this day I have no idea where she came up with these names, or how she keeps the family tree straight - but she still sleeps with Big Moo Cow every night

Zarathud · Post by **Zarathud** » Fri Mar 23, 2012 8:19 pm

My 5 year old howls a surprising imitation of the wolf from Minecraft.

Her sense of humor involves randomly making the wolf noise (which drives my wife crazy) or jokes involving the punchline of something + your head/butt.