~Projectile vomiting when you introduce lumps to their food.
~Projectile diarhea when you introduce milk.
~Changing your shirt, getting spit up on, changing your shirt, getting spit up on, repeat.
~Getting to the resturaunt, looking down, and noticing a nice, big white stain on your shoulder.
~Taking off the diaper just in time to find out that they haven't quit finished pooping.
~Having your game manuals eaten.
~Spit-up in your keyboard.
~Drooly baby-fingers grasping at your glasses.
~Drooly baby-fingers grasping at your monitor.
~All of those speaker/power wires becoming an incredible, forbidden joy
~Realizing at five minutes past nap-time that you left the telephone in the baby's room.
~The baby screaming when set down, then smiling when picked up, then screaming when set back down, forcing you to decide between ear-piercing shrieking or holding the baby for five hours straight.
~When baby is between diaper sizes, poops in the smaller size, then plops down, only to have the poop squirt up their back like a stepped on toothpaste tube.
~Trying to change a poop-covered baby whilst trying to keep two hands and two feet from grabbing his poop-covered lower bits.
My first kid was really good and I didn't have to put up with a lot of this stuff, so there is hope. My 5-month-old is the devil incarnate, though. She is so godawful bad. But, someone up there mentioned the sincere smile and it is true. In fact, her infatuation with smiling at me is probably the only reason she still lives today.
I just remember the actual infant time going by really fast and my biggest gripe was lack of sleep. The spit ups and diaper changings weren't too bad most of the time.
If I had to give advice I'd say don't be too quiet while trying to get the baby to sleep, they can learn to sleep with a little noise.
We had friends that if you would call em after 7:30 they would whisper while on the phone "we're trying to get the baby to sleep". While at our home we could watch TV or listen to music while our babies we're going to sleep.
A whole thread designed to terrify me. How kind you are, Austin. (dammit, this forum doesn't have that middle finger smilie that CG has. The cat butt will have to do. )
We've been warned about the diaper blowouts and liquids shooting out of every available orifice. We've heard about the sleepless nights and incessant screaming. But I don't think it will all sink in until that first time the baby starts crying at 2 in the morning. All we can do it the same thing parents have done since the dawn of time. Raise them the best you can and pray you'll be able to leech off them when you're old.
---Kiddo discovers poop as an art medium. You enter kiddo's room to wake him from nap and discovery that he is awake, has gathered poop from his diaper, has drawn on wall with some of it, and is playing construction site with rest of poop and toy trucks, with a great eye towards versimilitude: he's filled the tiny little dump-truck with poop.
---Kiddo gets cocsackie virus (hand-foot-mouth), develops sores in mouth and throat, wakes up every thirty minutes crying for three nights running. The guy in "Clockwork Orange" would have folded like a cheap lawn chair in one night.
---Daughter develops charming habit of taking big mouthfull of food and then running off to spit it out in some secret location, so you are constantly discovering little troves of half-chewed food by smell, stepping on it, etc.
Vs. the good:
---Kiddo's huge smile when you get hope.
Son when I get home: Daddy, I missed you SOOOO much.
--Kiddos drawing pictures for you.
---Son, playing Candyland for the first time (a game I threw like Brando in On the Waterfront), insists after he wins that I continue to take cards and move because "I want you to win too, Daddy. I want you up here with me."
---Kiddo gets cocsackie virus (hand-foot-mouth), develops sores in mouth and throat, wakes up every thirty minutes crying for three nights running. The guy in "Clockwork Orange" would have folded like a cheap lawn chair in one night.
Just went through this. Wasn't as bad but he was really, really pissy.
Also (and similar to a Fed one) I hear when they learn to remove their diaper at night it can be a poopy treat.
)
I'm definitely working late! 
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